Monday, October 08, 2007

Stalin was gorgeous. Discuss.

There's a new book out called Young Stalin by Simon Sebag Montefiore. The first photo you see here, of Stalin at 24 years old, graces the cover and caused an uproar of blushing and deep ambivalence among my fellow booksellers when we saw it last week. Even now, as fountain-haired young Joseph stares back at me, I search the nobly un-smitten crevices of my mind for words to tell you what I am feeling. Words don't come, but this image does.

The 20th century has morphed into a lush, primeval jungle swamp, and I stare, enchanted, at this face which is now the massive siren bloom of some bewitchingly decorative, flesh-fueled monster plant. My life-and-death encounter is scored by the chirping, whirring creature sounds of fellow swamp-dwellers. Their disinterested emissions become a horror film's tension-inflating string section and within me, the signal "Threat! Threat! Threat!" struggles to overpower my urge to gaze on with abandon. Beneath me, my froggy legs shudder and twitch as I summon the survival-loving restraint of my raw amphibian brain to keep from springing forth into the smug and gaping mouth of this gorgeous carnivore.

Back here, in the 21st century, I crave information about this man for the first time ever. Well-done Montefiore.


Etisha said...

Damn. Stalin was a hottie. Not necessarily because of his looks. There's something intensely purposeful in his gaze.

Dustin said...

I can't believe his shirt actually says that. Did you put that in? Also, let's all move to Georgia and find out what fucking hair products their grandparents used.

varsity aesthete said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
varsity aesthete said...

That shirt on Gyllenhaal is super real. I saw that image on an ACLU print ad a few years ago. Come to think of it, they may have altered it themselves.

Cut and paste this Earl to see the ad in someone else's blog post:

ericelectronic said...

By some estimates Stalin directed the mass murder of more than 60,000,000 people, most of them for reasons way beyond ideology. The reasons for free labor are irrelevant, but they did build up the massive industrial empire that defeated Hitler, so he can't be all bad.
My grandfather, who served in WW2 for the Russians, in mechanized infantry (those are the guys that run ahead of the tank to protect it) saluted Stalin his whole life almost every time he took a drink.

That crazy Georgian kinto (thief) could be the best/worst thing to ever happen to marxist ideology, and he is a perfect example of what a state uncontrolled by the people and unaccountable to anyone can become at a whim of one psychopath.

He did look hot though,and spoke real pretty, that's why he got everyone to follow him at first, and then it was too late.

Michael Kuznetsov said...

To Ericelectronic

So, according to your story, your grandfather was a fool, while you are a sage.
Bravo! "Congratulations!"
"60,000,000 people" -- the number of alleged victims of "psychopath" Stalin.
Why not "100,000,000"?
Perhaps, 200 million would be even more impressive?

The western brainwashing mass media machine works effectively enough. You have been used to take for granted as the ultimate truth whatever lie which the western russophobic propaganda has been feeding you with.

In this regard, I invite you all to visit my website:


Michael Kuznetsov

The Dame said...

I was totally freaked when I first saw that picture and was like, "FUCK, he's hot," then realized it was Stalin. Ahahah. I agree with Etisha--it's that determined look in his eyes that makes him so attractive, I think. And then I found this page, and I didn't feel quite so freaky.

Stalin: I'd tap that.