Sunday, August 13, 2006

YES


I was 15 when I first felt it - a big deep silent YES. That spring and summer, I spent hours at the ninth floor window looking out over the bay toward Manhattan watching the sky change. Had I ever been that quiet and comfortable before? It was so different. It was the sweet accidental beginning of my search for beauty.

That same summer I drew up plans for documenting beauty and surrounding myself with the quest but never followed through in the way I thought I would. Instead, I've had this project tucked away for years. It's funny too. At times I've actively pursued it, and at other times, while otherwise involved, beauty's come to me.

There's something so special there: when without searching I've found myself again aware of the big YES YES YES. I feel a fondness and comfort and deep joy at those times often followed by the impulse to hold on tighter maybe, or at least to pay attention and look out for those moments. Then after awhile, the feeling fades and the cycle starts again.

This though, is the next step. The active pursuit, the fruition of that original vision. My plans and goals for the project have aged as I have and happily so. Also, this work - this search for beauty - investigation of its nature and source, implication and power - means more to me now as other dreams once dreamt have fallen away while this one has stayed with me.

1 comment:

Donald said...

This quality of thinking, feeling, writing confirms your trustworthiness as feature Feature Film Script Editor, Art Director, (Associate Producer in charge of Casting). Also, I discovered over this past weekend, when I re-arranged the film beginning as you advised, that I would like your calendar art to go into the film as Rose's work,-- e.g., paintings in their living room/bedroom, etc.